Anti-Darwin Work

How a Lemon Meringue Pie “Proves”  God’s Existence
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As a Christian – and as a thinking woman – I have some real issues with Charles Darwin, a man who studied the world at the same time the light bulb was being invented. Monkeys led to men? I don’t see the proof.    What I see are two completely different species. And I am sick to my teeth of all the quasi-science programs on TV that inevitably contain the phrase “our closet relative, the monkey”.  Happy to report ours is a household that erupts in vigorous debate at the drop of a hat, and one of the children’s favorite topics is disproving the theory of Darwinism. Our youngest @ 14, Merlin, who is homeschooled, has my favorite point, “Why didn’t we humans keep evolving? How are we really any different than we were? We’ve just benefited from our mass inventions. And why aren‘t monkeys doing waaaaaaay more than they were ten thousand years ago? ”
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This essay evolves from a conversation the children and I had several years ago, when they were all quite young. Fed up with a particular heavily-advertised PBS special about Darwin and our monkey-cousins, I began an exhaustive mental search for other clues to the beginnings of our existence, like the presence of water both in our bodies and on the planet, certainly a feature that can’t be explained by the so-called green primordial oozing slime that the TV scientists were telling my children that we came from.  Which immediately led to oxygen. The sun. Soil. This little greenhouse of ours…you see where I am going with this, right?  Food.
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That’s right. A feature we do indeed share with all species on the Earth. Each and every species has it’s own particular gourmet’s taste. Eucalyptus for the Australian koala bears and mulberry leaves for the silk worm. Bamboo for the panda bears. Lions like to eat zebras and hawks hunt rabbits. Horses eat grass. Frogs eat bugs. None of that “evolved”. The food arrived here before us and we are hard-wired to seek what our species eats. You evolutionists distill that thought down, like a good, ripe, strawberry wine. There’s not a speck of foodstuff on this planet, in this over-sized greenhouse of ours, that we invented (except Tang® ).    It was all here before us.
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How did food know what to become? How did flowers know they were going to needed by bees who make yummy honey and pollinate everything in sight? How did corn realize it had to grow for the deer that were to come, deer that the wolves would stalk? The grass for the bison – later the horses – did it realize it’s importance in the food chain, or did it just spread like a weed? Speaking of weed, what plant did marijuana evolve from? Or tobacco? What about coffee, tea and chocolate. Sugar. Spices. All once the most precious trade commodities, now commonplace, thanks to man’s ability to manipulate his environment.
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But we digress from the revelation I had Thanksgiving morning 2000, while making pie. It ran together like a poem in my head, a thought born fully formed. Through the ages, women have beat wheat into flour, mixed in the oil of a plant.  Water, that life-giving substance, added to the flour and oil, making something that’s been a staple of cooking since the discovery of fire. Shape into a pie shell, bake for 20 minutes. Contemplate that heat makes the raw ingredients become much, much more than they are alone. Amazing thing, fire. It’s presence on the planet for man’s sole use and comfort is something we Christians should bless more!!! It’s obviously a gift from Him to us!

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Take three lemons, cut & squeeze, but marvel that something so bitter and tart is transformed by the miracle of sugar. One from a tree, another from a plant. How did they get here, sugar and lemon? What did those two evolve from?  Take two spoons of cornstarch, another plant that appeared for the good of man, corn-on-the-cob, cream corn, cornbread, corn tortillas, corn flakes. But know this, without corn STARCH we’d have no puddings, now how did anyone but an Intelligent Designer realize that? Wow, a world without no pudding? Horrible thought, that.  Get a heavy pot, pour the lemon juice (watch for the seeds – a cool feature God gave plants in order for them to be grown in other locales) and dump a cup of the sugar in with two cups of water. Bring to a boil, admiring how it becomes a syrup that can become candy with just those three ingredients and a long-enough fire. No help from us humans, just boil and cool. Voila, candy.

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But again, I digress. Collect a dozen eggs from the hens (a wonderful helper animal that also knew to grow itself out of it’s earlier dino-form, alongside the apples, pears, peaches, berries, beans, tomatoes, onions, garlic, squash, yams, pumpkins, rice, potatoes, and grains that were springing up all over the planet), separate the yolks from the whites, using each for its’ purpose. The yolks mix with a cup of milk (another wonderful helper animal we were blessed with) and the boiling mixture is poured into the cool milk and eggs. Add a teaspoon of salt (asking yourself where would we be without the magnificent addition of salt mines in our greenhouse?) as well as sprinkling in the aforementioned cornstarch. Bring the lemony mixture to a boil,; as you stir, add a half stick of butter (another gift from those nice cows) to keep the pudding from cracking as it cools. Pour it into the cooked pie shell. Then, by a chemistry known only to itself, put there by God in the beginning, this thickens into pudding.

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Okay, all I’ve managed to convince you of is a trip to the nearest diner for a piece of pie and a cup of coffee. Suffer me to describe one last culinary process, and it’s the simplest of all. The dozen egg whites, a cup of sugar, a pinch of salt, a tablespoon of vanilla (from another God-given plant, a beautiful flower too), whip for as long as it takes. Meringue. What magic it is. A mouth full of sweet air. A topping to thrill children and impress grown men. Pile it high and swirl it out beautifully onto of the lemon pudding in the pastry. Bake another half hour. Then cool all the way until the next morning  and when you pull it out, you will find dozens of dew drops, tiny perfectly-round golden drops of syrup will have formed overnight. This is the most beautiful and aromatic dessert known to man. It certainly sets us apart from the monkey.

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If life started from a high-powered slime that eventually adapted into mammals, fowl, and reptile, then how did that same ooze produce an entirely different product, the plant? Without which the other couldn’t survive. Of course the living God made us and our food, what abstract accident could combine with the tenacity of survival mode inside algae to evolve into the ingredients I use to make a lemon meringue pie?

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